I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
