I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
