I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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