none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
