The maid of honor just puked.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
