What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
