After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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