I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
