so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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