Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
