The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
