Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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