Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
