they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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