dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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