I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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