it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
