Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
