in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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