...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
