wanna go halves on a baby?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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