we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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