i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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