we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
