the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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