I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
