You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
