I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
