i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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