why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
