But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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