i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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