I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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