Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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