turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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