I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize