LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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