We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
