Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
