Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
