So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
