fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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