a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
