I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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