he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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