Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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