this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
