you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
