I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
