Me. At least after what I've been through.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
