so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
