I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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