So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
