Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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