she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
