I wish I could punch you in the face.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
