I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
