on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
