oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
