apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
