I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
