I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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