I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
