if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
