Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
