Will you blow on my dice?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
