She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can't just leave with hair like that
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
