shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
