she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
