I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
