hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
