I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
