Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
