i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
