so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize