I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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