If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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