She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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