Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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